Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
