my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
