Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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