dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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