I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dick has a subreddit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
