The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
