Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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