Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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