Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
