that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
