i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry about my life...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
