I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
