So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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