I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
