we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Four minutes until I can fart!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
