I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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