There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize