If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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