I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
