from now on my penis is your penis
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
