planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
