I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
