i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
