i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
