The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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