Your mouth is God's brothel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
