is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
