I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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