we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
