haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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