So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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