If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
