They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
