I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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