one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
