i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
