Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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