So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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