Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
