franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
