Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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