i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
