I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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