Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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