I'm gonna have a badass scar
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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