I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
