Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
