im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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