So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
