my sisters under your porch take her home
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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