I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
