sarcasm needs its own font
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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