Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize