if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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