if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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