Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
