the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
