Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
