Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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