Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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