Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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