his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
