You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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