....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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