I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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