there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
