I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
