I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
