First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
