It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize